Finding your perfect doula match
Finding the perfect birth doula match is more than just securing support, it is about filling in your support gaps, making you feel comfortable, and bringing you closer to the birth of your dreams.
Hopefully, by reading this you have met your perfect match and are ready to welcome your child into this world with enthusiasm and love. Now it is time to find your perfect birth doula match and gain confidence, support, and knowledge throughout this upcoming journey.
Finding a birth doula who embodies your philosophy of how you wish to birth is incredibly important and finding her should be stress-free and easier than finding your soul-mate. Read on to learn about what your ideal support looks like, questions to ask yourself and your potential doula, as well as, the many thoughts that come about when finding a doula match for you.
what are you looking for in birth doula support?
Once you know the support and needs that your ideal birth doula will fill, finding her becomes all the more simplified. It will be important to think about the support you have from those who will be with your throughout your labor. Talk to your partner or spouse about their comfort levels of supporting you and ask yourself what gaps are there? A doula is there to fill in those gaps and more. Let’s look at the roles of a birth doula so you can begin to narrow down what your ideal support looks like.
Emotional support Match
Doulas are great cheerleaders, guides, and coaches throughout birth. They can inspire you through thoughtful words or encouragement and cast away your fears when you hit a roadblock. Some folks come into labor with more anxiety than others, be sure to take a real check in with yourself about your level of nerves and fears. You may want to choose a birth doula who has more experience with anxiety. Or, perhaps, you are confident and not needing specific emotional support, then you gain an addition to the support you are looking for. Either way, take a deep dive into how you manage emotions on a day to day and think about the emotions surrounding birth. This can help guide you to the perfect doula match for your emotional needs.
Physical support match
Maybe you have the emotional support down from your partner or family members, but want additional hands to physically support you. Birth Doulas offer a range of expertise from massage, knowledge of counter-pressures, and movement techniques that can speed up labor and improve your comfort. Ask yourself, what role will physical movement or touch play into your labor. Some people do not want to be touched and that is great, a doula can still guide you in positions, movements, and breathing without putting their hands on you.
There is no determined length to labor. We know how long labor will last only after the fact. Having a birth doula to give you and your partner extra energy, strength, and rest is wonderful. Think about your comfort with movement and how a birth doula might help relax into the sensations.
informational support match
Outside of the emotional and physical realm of support, birth doulas have a range of experience with diverse births. Doulas know the stages of labor and how that can look widely different for every person and every pregnancy. You may want to choose your doula because they specialize in a particular type of birth, like a home birth or hospital birth. Or maybe you are looking for a doula who has a specific type of training based on the method you have chosen to focus on such as Hypnobirthing or Lamaze. Either way, thinking about the information that will make you feel the most confident and comfortable will help you choose the doula who is right for you.
Doula Match and Personality
A doula will be with you for a transformational, candid, personal, and life-changing moment. Labor can be as short as 3 hours (uncommon for first time births) and as long as several days. This person has to be someone you are comfortable pooping in front of, farting, stripping down, exposing yourself in front of. That being said, some people wouldn’t be comfortable with any of that anyways, but at least think about someone you would feel secure around, less self-conscious if modesty cannot be maintained.
Besides thinking about yourself as the birthing person, if you have a partner, you should think about someone they connect with too. Your partner will need to get along with this person. Your partner and doula will be working with each other just as closely as your doula will be working with you. Talk with your perspective doula about how they work with partners and the comfort level of your partners participation; its necessary to make sure there is no ego trip involved.
You will know if the personality match is there just like how you know with a friend. It can be helpful to think of your perfect doula match as a best friend. Your birth doula will become one of your greatest friends throughout your labor and often times remind you of your best friends, just with more knowledge and practice in birth.
doula match and your ideal birth location
Some doulas work primarily in hospitals, whereas, others work mostly in home-births or birth centers. You will want to make sure they are comfortable and considerate of the location you choose to birth in. Even if your doula does not have experience at a particular location does not mean they wouldn’t be the greatest fit for you, it is simply something to consider.
Another key element to remember as far as location goes is how close the doula lives to your ideal birthing location or home. Some doulas will work within a particular radius in order to ensure that they can make it to their client within a set amount of time. Make sure you talk about where you all live so that you don’t end up waiting 2 hours in active labor for your doula to arrive and support you.
doula match and your budget
More experienced and seasoned doulas will have higher prices. Some doulas offer discounts based on demographics or have sliding scales for their services. You may be able to find a certifying doula who offers a discount rate as they are getting births that go towards their completion of certification. It’s important to find someone who fits your budget.
Consider some of the packages that many doulas offer. Some may encapsulate your placenta or offer birth photography/ videography. Other birth doulas also work as postpartum doulas, supporting you during the early newborn days and nights.
When figuring out what your budget is, keep in mind the wonderful benefits of having a birth doula. Some of these include:
Shorter labor, on average about 40 mins shorter
Reduced or eliminated need for pain medication (think saving money at the hospital)
Reduced risk of an emergency cesarean
Improved feelings of satisfaction and attaining the birth you desire
Decreased chances of postpartum mood disorders
When I look at the above list, which is not comprehensive, the cost of a birth doula appears well worth it. Keep this in mind when you are comparing prices for services. You get so much out of these services, including peace of mind that someone is there for you 100% of the time. Also, consider adding a birth doula or postpartum doula to your baby shower registry.
What questions should you consider when looking for a birth doula match?
The number one thing to remember is to follow your intuition and gut. You will know that instant connection just like when you make a new friend, similarly, you will know if something does not feel right.
Here are some questions, recommendations, and thought -provoking ideas to consider while you are interviewing and finding your perfect doula match.
questions to ask yourself:
What supports are you in most need of?
Do you think you will want more information?
Are you someone who wants everything explained in detail or prefer less is more approach?
Does your partner want support too?
What is your philosophy on birth?
What are your strengths when it comes to emotional events and physical endurance?
What is your price range?
Where are you planning to labor and birth your baby?
questions to ask your potential birth doulas:
What is their philosophy for birth?
How do they support partners (dads, spouses, other support folks)?
What are their strengths in the birth process?
maybe they have taken specific trainings
maybe they have a background in yoga or degree in biology
Do they have experience in hospitals, home births, or birth centers?
How do they support you if you have an epidural?
How do they support you in a cesarean birth?
recommendations when looking for your doula match:
Interview a couple of doulas: You may have found the perfect one on the first try. If this is the case, congratulations! It may be still helpful to talk to a couple of doulas to finalize your search.
Talk to good friends who have been supported by a birth doula: Your close circle are people you trust and who you share common interests with. They may tell you about questions or experiences you had never thought of or recommend someone who fit well with their personality.
Start looking early on: You don’t need to have birth doula set the moment you conceive, however, how reassuring would that be. Check out one of my past posts on when to book a doula to learn more. It’s a great aim to secure your doula match by the end of your second trimester.
Your perfect doula match is out there
No need to fret on finding the perfect match. Trust your intuition and keep an open mind when looking for your birth doula. Checking out local childbirth classes, asking your healthcare providers, and talking with friends and family who have been supported by birth doulas are great places to start looking.
Your perfect birth doula is out there, now go find her!